February 22, 2012
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Courage
So, yeah... fun times today... The back just isn't wanting to cooperate today. Been having some bad spasms and twinges, not to mention a good increase in pain. I took some meds right around the time the back started but haven't really found much relief. I'll be taking another round shortly and hope that it will help a little. Yay me! *sigh*
I'm on day 4 in that book, Calling In "The One." This first week is about trying to prepare you to embrace love. Today's activity dealt with setting a firm foundation and not fearing love. I was asked to choose a few words and make an affirmation about them individually. The first word to pop out was Courage. And the sentence that I meditated with it on: I have the courage to love and be loved. It sounds rather simplistic, but it was the first thing I thought of when I saw courage. To me, it means opening my heart fully, forgetting the hurts of the past, and just embracing love completely.
It's not that I can't love or don't want love in my life; I've just never been ready to fully accept it, taking it at face value and accepting it. I was always under the impression that I didn't need or want love; what was so special about it? Cupid never really hit me with his arrow so I never really let anyone too close to let me know what love is. Don't get me wrong; I was married once a lifetime ago. And I've had a handful of relationships where there was love (in varying degrees and capacities). But I've never accepted it as a concept that could really work in my life. I think it's why it's so hard for me to completely let go of The Guy and The Kid. I was starting to see what accepting love into my life could mean. Truth be told, it scared the crap out of me. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I split; I wasn't ready to fully embrace what was offered to me so freely.
I've been afraid to fully accept love as love. So when I say I have the courage to love and be loved, I'm finally ready to change my previous preconception of what to expect and accept. It's kind of stuck in my head all day long; I even wrote it on a sticky note and have it in a spot where I can see it all the time. A reminder of this other journey that I've started...
Hmm... so, yeah, that's about it today. With my back playing fun, I didn't do anything. (Definitely feeling a bum today...) Well, I'll let you get back to the more important things in life...
Until next time... CIAO!
