October 4, 2012

• Time’s a flying!

  So, yeah… What day is this again?? Geez… I seem to be losing time and days again, but I think (ok… probably more like think) it’s all for the right reasons this time around. Hope everyone has been well and all is good in your neck of the woods…

  The back is starting to show me just what it thinks of the job. Mostly been having good days, but it’s starting to have a bit of an increase to bad beginnings. It always seems to do that, my back. I had a check up with my primary care manager (PCM) last Wednesday. I was really excited about how my back is allowing me (even if only for the moment) to enjoy watching boats. And I told her (my PCM) that I was able to lower my pain med intake in half. (Though, I’ve had to go back to my original dose lately because the back just doesn’t like that lower dosage much…) It’s not like I’m not trying to be careful; it can be a pain in the arse (sometimes quite literally) if I’m careless. But I’m gaining the confidence in myself once more. Then yesterday came and the cane made a cameo on the beach again. Very frustrating. I’m feeling another round coming on, but I’m trying to be good and not overdo it. There’s so many things I want to do around the lake, but I also need to walk. Decisions, decisions…

  Guess who I get to see this weekend?? (No, it’s not London…) Give ya a hint: he was my birthday present this year from my baby brother and his girl… Yep! The Stell Man!! And I get to spend all Friday with him; hope he doesn’t mind hanging with his auntie. Should be pretty interesting trying to get the hang of one another.

  I’ve made a huge discovery in the last few weeks. One day at the beach, I was going through my phone and saw some old texts. I came across a conversation I had with my baby brother right after I broke up with The Guy. For the first time, I didn’t feel any attachments about the situation or to The Guy and The Kid. I mean, yes, it happened. But I don’t feel any burdens or entanglements like I’ve been agonizing over for the past year. I know I’ll always wonder how they are, but I finally feel as if I can pursue my destiny, whatever it is and wherever I may go, without them hanging in the wings. I never thought I’d get here… Maybe I’ve been here for a while and just not realized it. It’s kind of a nice feeling knowing I’m moving on because I’m ready to do so without any clouds hanging over me or whoever I move forward in life with.

  And on to London, which I think helped me come to my realization about The Guy and The Kid… Okay, so I did the online thing and found a few prospects. Well, there’s only one and has been only one for some time now. No one has really caught my fancy anywhere near where London has. I’ll try not to sound like a lovesick puppy, but, wow. It’s been so incredible getting to know him. He’s super smart, knows how to make me laugh, and every conversation I have with him is just so organic. We may have a pause here and there, but that’s natural. And it doesn’t take long before some thought comes into the picture and we’re off to the races again! The more I get to know him, the more I’m certain that for once I’m doing it right: building a foundation for something more sustainable than just a passing cloud or moment. It scares me like no other, but it’s kind of exhilarating at the same time. I just know that I’m enjoying getting to know this beautiful person, inside and out.

  The most amazing thing about it all is how alike we seem to be. It’s funny; on paper, we’re complete opposites. And I do mean COMPLETE OPPOSITES. He’s got a PhD in Laser Physics; I’ve only done 2 years of college and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up (if I ever do!). We’re from two completely different backgrounds. He’s a rebel; I’m the law (well, used to be -ish). However, we’re finding more similarities than humanly possible. It’s like we’re of one mind, yet there are enough differences to be our own, freethinking individual. It’s scary to think that there’s one of me in the world, but I’ve found another! He even gets just as animated as I do when he’s talking! (Are ya scared yet??) London and I keep joking about how we probably shouldn’t touch each other when we finally meet for the first time. There might be some cosmic anomaly that will either cause one (or both) of us, or even the planet, to disintegrate into oblivion. Or, maybe the universe! Guess we’ll see next month when he visits… (And does anyone have a cure for butterflies in the tummy? I can’t seem to shake them lately, especially when I talk to London or get a message of some sort from him… Weird…)

  So that’s what’s going on in Jayme’s World lately… Not really much going on, but definitely some big steps and hurdles being taken. I guess I’ll never know if there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow if I never follow the rainbow, right? I’ll try not to be so long in between blogs; I make no guarantees with the schedule I’m keeping right now!

  Well, I’ll let you go for now so you can get back to the more important things in life…

  Until next time… CIAO!!

  • 1:13 am
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