August 23, 2012
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Stupid songs…
So, yeah… Been enjoying my days off; sleep has been the main component in them. My body just isn’t used to be on the go any more! Even if it is only a seasonal job, I’m really thankful and grateful to have it.
I’m trying my best to just trust that something else is in the works for the time in between the end of this season and beginning of next year’s open. If I’m offered a position for next year, I believe I will take it. It’s really good for me and making sure I keep some of the sanity I have left…The only thing that really sucks about the job: too much time to think. Now, I know I mentioned briefly about thinking about the Guy and the Kid here recently. Well, time on my hands isn’t helping me much. Top that with a party last weekend and kids galore everywhere. Yeah… I had about a good 5 minute cry when I let myself wonder what the Kid was doing and if he was having fun. (It’s been a year, but the hurt is still there for whatever reason.) Not to mention all the little kids I bump into, correction, that bump into me or are somewhere on the same path I seem to be going… It’s kind of driving me a little crazy. Oh, and add in a little bit of Gavin DeGraw’s Not Over You, or Train’s This Is Not Goodbye, and I’m just frikin’ peachy! Seriously?
I thought I had put everything to rest a few months back; obviously not so much. *sigh* How am I supposed to get over them when little things keep cropping up as they have? (Did I mention watching Two and a Half Men and one line hitting me straight to what heart I have left?) *sigh* I try to remind myself that it took almost 10 years before I got over Romeo. Doesn’t really give me much confidence. I keep imagining what I might do if I ever saw them (the Guy & the Kid) and that really doesn’t help matters… I’ve tried sketching stuff just to keep my mind focused on something else. Reading and keeping myself busy with little things to do at work aren’t helping much either. Nothing seems to get my mind off of them. I know it’s been over a year since I had my little breakdown, so why do I feel I haven’t made much progress in trying to put them to rest?
I used to have the simple answer: date a new person. But, somehow, I just don’t have the heart right now to get back in the game. Everyone I’m around right now has a significant other, and while I’m so excited and truly happy for them, I can’t help but have a small pain crop up in the emptiness I feel. It’s not that I’m afraid to be alone; anything but! I’m enjoying my time to myself and exploring who I really am without someone having to be lead, seeing their shadow, or having to remind them where I am. It’s just upsetting that after a year I feel like I’ve not made a bit of progress in trying to get on with my life.
I’d go to the nearest bar and get pissed, but I between my empty billfold and the hypoglycemia, well, um, I enjoy watching how crazy my cat is tonight? *sigh* I just hope that it doesn’t take 10 years before I can move on, completely. I keep trying to read these books that supposedly are to help in the moving on department but I just can’t seem to get into them. I’ve started letters with my feelings, to myself, to the Guy, to God; it doesn’t release anything and leaves me just as frustrated as when I started. (Too much blocked energy?) I just don’t know how to step out and get over the heartbreak and heartache I have. I feel a little lost at the moment and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not…
Well, I’ll leave ya with something to think about (besides wanting to smack me upside the head…) and not on a down beat…
Success is a journey not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome. ~Arthur Ashe
Hope everyone has a beautimous Friday and an absolutely brilliant weekend! We (my mom, the Boots Lady, Pops, and me) have the Stell Man this weekend, so busy, busy, busy! OH! I’ve got an audition on the 8th of September. The theater here in town is doing Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None. I’m really hoping to be able to get a part; I know that will keep me on my toes for a spell! Plus, it may do me some good to get my feet back in the waters there (the theatre). We’ll see…
Guess I better go to bed; I gotta get up at 0500 tomorrow!
Until next time… CIAO!!
Comments (1)
A 2 year old that called me “Dada”, a 3 year old that always gave me a huge hug and managed to find plastic bottles all over the place that we would screw the lids on and off of. A 5 year old that I gladly went through airport security at Bush twice just to go back and give him another hug when he asked for one. An 8 year old boy that always told me the latest things that he had been up to. A 12 year old girl and the way her eyes lit up and her smile when I bought her the hair bow that she was admiring but knew that she couldn’t afford. You never forget them. They have a piece of your heart and I suppose it always will be theirs. I wish I could tell you how to make it easier. All I can offer is “Time heals all”.