So, yeah... I'm about to head to bed and realize that I never did get around to posting a couple of blogs I wrote while I was at the lake... Guess I'll have to jot them down later. You'll just have to make do with this little bit I feel I want to share with ya...

First, I feel the need to apologize for my Debby Downer the other day... While I still tend to drift and wonder how The Guy and The Kid are doing, what they're up to, I don't let it really dictate my life. It's just a bit scary to think about moving on. It's not so much the newness of something, but the actual putting one foot in front of the other and continuing down the path that I'm on. There will always be that place in my heart for them; they both taught me more than I could ever express in this short blip. The main being that love shouldn't be kept to just yourself.

In order to live life fully, to the brim, and completely wholeheartedly, boldness has to be embraced. It was easier when I was younger. I never let anything stand in between me and what I wanted or wanted to do. And I grew stronger every fall. It's not so much the falling part that I'm looking forward to, but the outcome of picking myself up and pressing on stronger. Sometimes we have moments where we seem to do nothing but fall down. Like even sitting up is a struggle. But if we don't try and try to stand, how do we grow? How do we enjoy the fruits of life and love if we only stay on the ground? How do we embrace all that we are supposed to be and embrace the love and kindness along the way?

So, basically, I'm okay now. Just had one of those moments. It's scary as all get out, but I'm about to put myself back in the dating game. I know what you're thinking: really? are you really ready? If I don't do it now, chances are that I never will again. And then I'll be the crazy cat lady down the street from you. So, yeah, not going to do that. And while I still have some hesitations, I'm one of those fly by the seat of your pants people. A turtle can never see the world with its head inside its shell all the time, right? The nice thing about dipping my toe back in the pool is that I can go at my pace, my speed, my comfy-ness. I'm not looking to marry the first person I see, and I can be as choosy as I want. If it becomes too overwhelming for me, then I can always take that step back and work on it a little more. The point of it all is to try, to see where life will be taking me next.

I think I'll let you go for now... I'm about to fall asleep right now. My eyes are crossing without any help from me. That's never a good thing...

Hope y'all have a safe and beautimous Labor Day weekend!! Indulge a little with the winding down of summer. Fall will be here all too soon and then it'll be the downside of 2012. Life is for enjoying; ENJOY!!

Until next time... CIAO!!

So, yeah... Been enjoying my days off; sleep has been the main component in them. My body just isn't used to be on the go any more! Even if it is only a seasonal job, I'm really thankful and grateful to have it. I'm trying my best to just trust that something else is in the works for the time in between the end of this season and beginning of next year's open. If I'm offered a position for next year, I believe I will take it. It's really good for me and making sure I keep some of the sanity I have left...

The only thing that really sucks about the job: too much time to think. Now, I know I mentioned briefly about thinking about the Guy and the Kid here recently. Well, time on my hands isn't helping me much. Top that with a party last weekend and kids galore everywhere. Yeah... I had about a good 5 minute cry when I let myself wonder what the Kid was doing and if he was having fun. (It's been a year, but the hurt is still there for whatever reason.) Not to mention all the little kids I bump into, correction, that bump into me or are somewhere on the same path I seem to be going... It's kind of driving me a little crazy. Oh, and add in a little bit of Gavin DeGraw's Not Over You, or Train's This Is Not Goodbye, and I'm just frikin' peachy! Seriously?

I thought I had put everything to rest a few months back; obviously not so much. *sigh* How am I supposed to get over them when little things keep cropping up as they have? (Did I mention watching Two and a Half Men and one line hitting me straight to what heart I have left?) *sigh* I try to remind myself that it took almost 10 years before I got over Romeo. Doesn't really give me much confidence. I keep imagining what I might do if I ever saw them (the Guy & the Kid) and that really doesn't help matters... I've tried sketching stuff just to keep my mind focused on something else. Reading and keeping myself busy with little things to do at work aren't helping much either. Nothing seems to get my mind off of them. I know it's been over a year since I had my little breakdown, so why do I feel I haven't made much progress in trying to put them to rest?

I used to have the simple answer: date a new person. But, somehow, I just don't have the heart right now to get back in the game. Everyone I'm around right now has a significant other, and while I'm so excited and truly happy for them, I can't help but have a small pain crop up in the emptiness I feel. It's not that I'm afraid to be alone; anything but! I'm enjoying my time to myself and exploring who I really am without someone having to be lead, seeing their shadow, or having to remind them where I am. It's just upsetting that after a year I feel like I've not made a bit of progress in trying to get on with my life.

I'd go to the nearest bar and get pissed, but I between my empty billfold and the hypoglycemia, well, um, I enjoy watching how crazy my cat is tonight? *sigh* I just hope that it doesn't take 10 years before I can move on, completely. I keep trying to read these books that supposedly are to help in the moving on department but I just can't seem to get into them. I've started letters with my feelings, to myself, to the Guy, to God; it doesn't release anything and leaves me just as frustrated as when I started. (Too much blocked energy?) I just don't know how to step out and get over the heartbreak and heartache I have. I feel a little lost at the moment and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not...

Well, I'll leave ya with something to think about (besides wanting to smack me upside the head...) and not on a down beat...

Success is a journey not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome. ~Arthur Ashe

Hope everyone has a beautimous Friday and an absolutely brilliant weekend! We (my mom, the Boots Lady, Pops, and me) have the Stell Man this weekend, so busy, busy, busy! OH! I've got an audition on the 8th of September. The theater here in town is doing Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None. I'm really hoping to be able to get a part; I know that will keep me on my toes for a spell! Plus, it may do me some good to get my feet back in the waters there (the theatre). We'll see...

Guess I better go to bed; I gotta get up at 0500 tomorrow!

Until next time... CIAO!!

So, yeah... I swear I'm still alive!! What I thought was going to be a part-time job has turned into a bit of a full time one at the moment. Apparently some of the people that have been offered the same job I have not exactly worked out... Good for me as I am busy as all get out but, man, it sure is wearing me out; I'm just not used to so much activity in one day! (And I mean that in a good way!!)

Can't stay long, but thought I'd say hi... I have a couple of pics to share too!

This was me on Sunday... Apparently I'm so white that even with sunscreen (with an SPF of 30!) wasn't much protection at all... From 0700 to 1500! (Or 7am to 3pm for normal people...) I was actually surprised that the only things that hurt the most were my ears and right side of my neck! (It's turned into some color now; gotta go to the lake on my days off and try to get the rest of me to match it up! The colour, not the red... that hurt!)

Proof that I am up when the sun rises! This is part of the 46-acre area I'm entrusted to protect and make sure the idiots don't ruin... It's really nice and relaxing!

And my work vehicle... Yes! I know how to operate this now! (And man! It sure is fun!)

Still learning as much as I can about this stuff, but I'm very excited to be doing this! Can't wait for my nephew to visit me so he can experience something new.

Well, I'll let you go for now... Gotta start getting around for tonight. It'll be my first night alone, so it could get interesting! My 1st day off is on Tuesday, so hopefully I will be able to share my wonderful experiences in learning how to operate a boat. (Trust me... You think I have some fun in just regular life; adding something new to my repertoire such as boating is an experience all it's own!) There isn't any wi-fi out there for me to piggy-back off of and all I want to do when I get home is go to bed... My body is just not used to all this fun!

Hope y'all have a wonderful Friday and a beautimous weekend!!

Until next time... CIAO!!

So, yeah... Been a couple of weeks... Lots going on!!! My back is still doing it's own thang; thankfully, though, I've not had too many bad spells since my last attempt at P90X Yoga. That's always a plus for me! I'm starting to feel a little stagnant only doing the Yogalates routines I have, but I know that I hurt more when I don't do anything. *sigh*

As for the other stuffs in my life... I finally have someone who's willing to take a chance on this disabled vet... I HAVE A JOB! It's only temporary ('til about October), but I'm going crazy being alone with my thoughts. I need some human interactions or I may end up a crazy cat lady! So, the job... It's a patrol job for a private lake here in town. I get to make sure no one is being too much of an idiot on the water and that rules are being followed. Plus, I get to ride around in a boat!! I've not ever been around boats too much, so this should be a fun experiment and such an exciting adventure for me. I start Friday. The awesome thing about the job is how the supervisor is a former military member himself. In fact, I joked about how for once my military training can be used for something. His reply was that military is the only reason I was sitting in front of him! As long as there's not any Morse code heard, I should be good. I'm not entirely sure at how my back and body is going to really handle this. But with it being only a couple of months, and lots of down time, I'm just giving it over to a certain Somebody that I'm not on some wild goose chase...

Hmm... OH! I got to have a couple of days with my nephew this past weekend. Instead of his normal Friday to Sunday stint, he came over on a Thursday. And Auntie J and the Stell man had such a good time together! See...

**He was fascinated by the beeps my camera makes when I put it in self-portrait mode and forgot to smile... Isn't he a cutie though?? (Nah... I'm not a proud auntie, am I?)**

Well, I think that's about all my news... May not be a whole bunch, but it's rather exciting for me! I mean, after putting out resume after resume just about every day for the past 3 months, I finally have something for a couple of months. (If anything, maybe it will give me some cash to stock up on Leo stuff so my mom ain't having to worry about the crazy critter!) And it's crazy, too, because out of all the jobs I've put myself up for, I get the one job that's out of the box... I mean, who'd'va thunk? I'm so excited to be doing something that I never would have thought I'd do! (As always, never where I feel I need to be, but where I'm needed... *sigh*)

Okay... I'll let you go for now. I'll try not to be a stranger, or at least go so long without checkin' in with ya... Hope you're well and all is good in your neck of the woods!!

Until next time... CIAO!!