So, yeah... Apparently I have more fans than I previously thought. And even more faithful than I ever realized. My mom is always my biggest fan, and most days I think she's my only one. I never thought for a moment that I had anyone else that may enjoy my rambles... So to each of you who messaged me and said you are a regular customer and to those who I offended in my last post: I sincerely apologize when I said no one reads my blogs!! I appreciate each of you who take the time to come and visit my ramblings and chaos called my life.

I just want to get that order of business on the agenda first... You spoke, I heard! I cried a little and swelled up with a bit of pride for every message I got or likes on my personal Facebook. (I'm working on one for my alter ego-theJAYMEfiles-so that those of you who aren't a close friend or family (very Sheldon that way-no offence!) can see that there really is a wizard behind the curtain...) It made me realize that you do enjoy the small escape and makes me want to try harder to get this going a little more regularly...

Hmm... what else... The job search continues. Still no bites. It's starting to really stress me out. I've gone into a few establishments to fill out applications there on the spot... I see the tiny glance down at the cane as I hand the paper back to them. At least they humour me in letting me fill the application out. *sigh* I'm trying not to be so negative, but for cryin' out loud! I'm not qualified for anything? Then how did I run an office for an investments company? (And it just wasn't the office; 4 personal properties and their own utilities, housekeeper, and visiting family and friends schedule...) I've filled out applications for the VA and still don't get a call... And doctors wonder why I don't have a job? It's not because I don't try; I just can't find anyone willing to take a chance on this disabled vet.

I've been wrestling with myself on whether to put in for a new claim or not for my back. No one seems to be hearing me when I talk to them about the impact that this has taken on me, both physically and mentally. The only person that has in the last few years is the neurosurgeon at the VA in Kansas City. And while I did have a lady working with me in trying to get my case re-examined, I can't seem to get enough evidence to support my claims. Add to she has a million other life stuffs going on... This dog is getting tired and the bark is growing quite weary. OH! On top of everything, Social Security denied me again for disability. Because, apparently, there is nothing wrong with me. (Thanks to the docs I see and them writing down exactly what I'm NOT saying!) I'm getting so weary on this ride. Will someone please let me off so I can rest and not be so dizzy?

Well, I can't just leave it on a down note like that... Let's see...

So, yeah... It's been almost 3 weeks since my last post! Not that anyone really reads this; it's more just my venting/organize thoughts place. Only publicly. Nothing big by today's standards at all.

Well, one day I got bored and decided I'd join Twitter... I'm still trying to understand the whole thing. I borrowed a book from the library, but since my eyes are a little wonky, my dyslexia is kicking my arse so I can't really understand a word. Yeah, it's easy to fix: get an eye exam and get new prescriptions for my glasses and contacts. However, I ain't gots the money, so it's not really on my need to get done list. I can't even read upside down to get my eyes to focus/concentrate! (That's the trick I use most often when my dyslexia is at a high level and my eyes feel a little weak...) Thank goodness I have a Nook that I can change the color of the screen and words in order to read. But, since the library's e-reader library is a little lusterless, I don't really get anything of too much interest... Wow... I'm scraping the barrel for that bit of news, huh?

So, yeah, I'm on Twitter now. That's been a very interesting time. I spend most of my time reading news stories and such since I'm a little picky at who I want to follow. In the first couple weeks of me joining, I got those lovely ladies who, upon checking their profile, had the whole triple x links to "their websites." Um... No. Sorry. I'm okay with my sexuality, but I'm not exactly one to watch someone else flaunt theirs! Plus, c'mon... I really don't care about girl on girl action or who's getting laid tonight. I know we've come quite a ways in exploiting our sexuality as a society in the last 100 or so years, but when I see little girls (ages 6 and up) trying to wear something from the Pussy Cat Dolls clothing line, I believe there is a disconnect somewhere in the promotion of sex and sexuality.

Um... yeah... Twitter... I keep getting sidetracked... Imagine that... I follow mostly veteran related stuff. I try to follow as many other veterans as I can. I've even gotten a few tweeps from across the Pond. It's a very interesting 'networking' site. And I bet it'll be even better when I actually figure out what all the RTs, #FF, and crap is really saying!

Nothing else really going on. I've had 2 interviews in the past month and didn't get either position. I keep applying for all kinds of secretary, office assistant, administrative assistant positions I can find. It's very frustrating! Tomorrow I'm going to hit up a couple of places that are "Apply in person" applications. Should be very interesting. Going to try to get up a little earlier than usual so I can beat the heat, if I can! I'm still experiencing my good and bad days with my back; I'm just ignoring the bad ones as much as I can!

Oh, and, you're going to slap me, but for whatever reason, I've been thinking about The Guy and The Kid lately. I haven't in a really long time (a few months maybe?) and it confuses the crap out of me. Every time I find myself thinking about them, I try to focus and remember that I need to stay in the now. I know it's been almost a year since I left, but how do I stop? I thought I had gotten everything out after that book journey I took. I even had my therapist say I'm doing such a good job and that I've really worked on letting the situation go and moved on with my life. And then out of nowhere, they're back... I don't get it...

Well, I guess that's all for tonight. I'm getting really sleepy... Hope y'all have been well and that all is good! Until next time... CIAO!!

**OH! If you're as fancy-smancy as me and want to follow me on Twitter, I'm @theJAYMEfiles. Follow me and I will follow you back!**

So, yeah... I've been lazy. Again. By the time I think of getting on here, I'm usually about to fall asleep and say to myself, "Tomorrow..." *sigh*

Well, I guess a quick update... Been doing alright back-wise. I had a rather odd reaction to a change in my muscle relaxer. Add to that I didn't feel any difference in the spasms subsiding than when I didn't have any in my system... Just going to have to work hard at getting off the crap I'm on now and hope that I can try a new recipe when everything is out of my system completely.

I've also been experimenting a little with my exercise routine. That's been fun! I like to be challenged when it comes to exercising. (That's why I miss hiking; paths aren't usually all the same throughout the trek.) I get more out of the session if I feel like I've accomplished something that I didn't think I could. Like P90X... I like the program because  you build upon what you were just doing, but there's always some added challenge to it. Like with the Yoga in the system... The guy has you doing downward dog a good 85% of the time in the first 45 minutes of the workout. It's like you start out pretty easy, but then you're switching from Plank, to Cobra, to Downward Dog, to Runner's Pose, to Crescent, to Warrior 1, then reversing the whole series. It's fun for me, but then I'm also kind of odd...

Oh! I've had two interviews in this past week. Both are for a receptionist job, one for part time, the other full time. I'm pretty excited that I even got that far!! I don't really have a whole lot of training or degrees, so when I score an interview, I feel very fortunate. I can't tell you how many resumes and applications I've filled out. Not too many people really want to take a chance on a veteran any more. We're not all trying to cope with PTSD or some type of inability to interact appropriately in the civilian world. I know vets have a better opportunity now than when we did around Nam, but the stigmas are still prevaliant. It doesn't help when the vets coming back from OEF/OIF, Iraq, Afghanistan aren't getting the proper care the need and deserve...

Okay... I'll sign off for now... Hope everyone is having a fabulous 4th! Be safe if you're setting off your own displays; many states are very dry and  it doesn't take much for an innocent stray spark to turn into an inferno!

Until next time... CIAO!!