March 19, 2012
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Commitments to thyself
So, yeah… Yesterday rocked! I was able to spend a couple of hours with the Stellan dude… Man is he light! My cat comes in at around 11-12 pounds and holding Stellan was like holding air compared to Leo! I think the little guy and I will definitely have a bond as he grows up, even if Hollywood calls. (Don’t get me wrong; I have two older nephews and love them both dearly. And while I feel I have that Auntie bond with them, both live so far away-one in England and the other in Florida-that I don’t get the pleasure of their company very often.
) He even opened his eyes for a while when I was there. 
He’s going to be a cutie! After all, his momma and daddy are pretty good looking themselves! I’m so excited, or could you tell?In back news, I’ve been told very loudly since coming home yesterday that I’m in the doghouse again… Spent much of the day passed out and nicely comatosed. I’ve moved my workout area back down to the basement. Love my cat, but he’s a lover and trying to do Yoga with a cat adds a certain fun that my back doesn’t quite appreciate. Plus, there’s a bit more room down there than in my room. I’ve gotten a little lazy the last couple of weeks, so I gotta work on that a little more… Hopefully today’s resting will help me pick the pace back up. I hate feeling like a completely bum and not accomplishing anything in a day!
So, I’ve started week 5 today. I didn’t do yesterday because I was really excited to see my nephew again and concentration on reading just wasn’t there. Today I did two lessons, days 29 and 30. In the beginning of each week’s section, it gives a little overview as to what to kind of expect for the week. This week is more concentrated on remembering to take care and time for yourself. “You have to love yourself before you can love another.” And that seems to be the concept…
Day 29 deals with commitments while day 30 appeals for a bit of selfishness. To me, they complement each other. It’s easy to just go about the day and to commit yourself to a million things. And it’s easy to forget to take a moment to think and even wonder about ourselves. This world is a fast, on-the-go, no-thinking, technologically-induced place. We get so busy in doing even the most of mundane tasks, that so many of us get lost and out of sync with one another. It’s no wonder we have identity crises. When we forget to think about us for a moment and what we’re doing to the self, we have a tendency to just trudge on through the days, weeks, and years and life becomes listless and unsettling. But, if we make one commitment that has meaning for us (like volunteering to a cause close to you), that one thing you can put your heart into, then life seems true, in sync, and purposeful.
How would one apply those concepts to a relationship? Well, when you’re in tune with you and your needs, it’s a little easier to stay true to you and your commitments. I can use my own personal experience here as an illustration… For the past few years, I’ve not been true to just how my back issues have effected and affected me and the relations that I’ve had along the way. Take a look at what a year has done for me… This time last year, The Guy and I were together and looked like we would have a fairy tale come true. I honestly thought I had a handle on the situation with my back and the restlessness there. I was falling into an amazing next chapter in life by having the guy of my dreams and, the bonus of all bonuses, a kid that was astonishingly my mini-me. That feeling I had when I first met The Guy just grew stronger every day and the reality of that vision was starting to take root. I was starting to fall into a pace that only a family could have and loving it. And it’s not that I was ignoring me, but I stopped actively pursuing something for me. Little by little, it started piling up.
Then the dam started spilling… Finances took a staggering hit that I was not expecting. My back started becoming more of an issue for me. Then the VA comes hitting. And it seemed like a million other issues all at once. The reality of it all hit me and in the worse place and time ever. I never knew how much the flood would tear me down and sweep me so far away. I hate to admit it, but The Guy kept telling me after that I needed to work on me. I didn’t really appreciate it much to be honest; I just couldn’t understand why he wanted to distance himself from me. I was still in complete denial of what all was happening. Now, I do understand and while I may never be able to tell him, I have to thank him for that. While I hate how I pretty much had to lose everything to get this lesson, I’m appreciating the journey a bit more each day. My downfall has been a time of rebuilding, reflecting and rejuvenation. It’s a journey that I didn’t realized I needed. Funny how life happens, huh?
So the point and answer to my question… Sometimes when you’re fulfilling all these commitments throughout the day, you can forget that moment or two to take for you. When you forget that moment, piles start accumulating. When piles start accumulating, things start becoming out of whack for you. Denying to pick up those piles and dealing with them head on is the worst possible thing just waiting to happen. (Think about that show Hoarders…) So, take some time for yourself, make it a commitment to do so; then your other commitments and life can live in harmony.
Okay… I think I’ve rambled on long enough today… Until next time… CIAO!
